Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Its about making memories worth repressing
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
