I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
