Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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