I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
