You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
