I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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