I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
