If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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