bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
