...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i drank out of a bidet.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
