He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
