It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
