my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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