forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
