Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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