I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
