You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's like iHOP with fire
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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