Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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