I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
