It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
