I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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