I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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