Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
