Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
