if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dear god my vagina.
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