there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
