Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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