i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
