how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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