you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
