Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
