you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
