Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
