Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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