I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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