Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
