if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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