Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Farmville is her only friend.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
