saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
