I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
