you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
