Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
