He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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