hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
