Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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