oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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