I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
