Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Boobs speak an international language.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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