I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
