If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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