if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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