Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
