We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
