Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
