I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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