I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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