he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
