Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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