He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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