where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
