Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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