I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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