I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
