I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
