Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize