I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
