Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize