Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dick very happy bro
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
