I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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