When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
