i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
