Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
