You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm passing your future prison.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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