"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
