So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
