i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
