I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
