You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
