i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
