oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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