I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
