Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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