even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
